This Pride Month, SWU Executive Committee Vice Chair Chrissie Beatty shares her personal reflections on using language that shows care and consideration of someone’s gender.
There has been an increase in societal discussion about preferred gender pronouns and gender identity, including transgender, non-binary, and genderqueer individuals. It seems you can’t look at social media or watch the news without seeing something about gender. Research suggests that since 2015 the UK media has published an average of 154 articles a month about the transgender community; that is a lot of chatter about a minority group that makes up just 0.1% of the population.
So, what is going on?
In part, it is a reflection of the growing awareness and acceptance of diverse gender identities. Studies indicate that younger people, particularly Gen Z, are most comfortable with gender fluidity and a range of gender identities. For some people though, discussions around gender identity and pronouns elicit fear and anger which can stem from a variety of reasons often tied to deep beliefs, values, identity, and cultural tensions. Negative attitudes towards the transgender and non-binary community can also be fuelled by misinformation or a lack of personal experiences with people from these communities.
Let’s start with language
In a nutshell, a person’s sex refers to a combination of their observable physical characteristics (phenotype), sex chromosomes (genotype), hormones, and the sex they were assigned at birth.
A person’s gender, however, is linked with their innate sense of self. Some people do not feel that their gender aligns with the sex they were assigned at birth. This can include feeling that their gender exists outside of the traditional male/female binary. A person’s gender identity can also change over time.
Pronouns are the words we use to refer to ourselves or others such as ‘I’, ‘me’, ‘you’, ‘your’, ‘she/her’, ‘he/him’, and ‘they/them’. I’ve heard it argued that using ‘they’ to refer to someone is grammatically incorrect, but ‘they’ has been used as a singular pronoun since 1375. For example, if you find a set of keys on the office floor you may ask: ‘Did anyone lose their keys?’
Misgendering (using the wrong gender pronoun or name), whether intentional or not, can cause individuals to feel fundamentally misunderstood, disrespected, and distressed. Studies show that being misgendered can exacerbate someone’s existing mental health concerns and lead to an increase in anxiety, depression, and poor self-esteem.
Let’s be respectful and inclusive
As we learn more about the complexities of gender, our language is evolving to reflect this. This can be confusing for some so within my Local Authority, in collaboration with our Pride Staff Network, we have produced Gender Identity and Pronouns Guidance to support colleagues. This guidance aims to foster understanding, respect, and inclusiveness.
Some simple ways to start talking about gender:
- Don’t make assumptions about what someone’s gender is based on their name, how they look, or how they sound.
- It’s more respectful to ask someone about their preferred pronouns rather than asking about their gender identity directly.
- Asking in a non-judgmental and respectful way is crucial, and remember it is not impolite to ask someone’s pronouns – it shows that you care about acknowledging their identity.
- You could start by sharing your pronouns first. For example: “Hi, my name is Chrissie and my pronouns are ‘she/her’. What pronouns do you use?” Or you could say: “I want to make sure I’m addressing you correctly, what pronouns do you use?”
- If you’re unsure whether it’s appropriate to ask, use their name instead of pronouns until they indicate their preference, or you can default to “they/them” if you must use a pronoun and don’t know the correct one.
- Always respect someone’s choice not to share.
- Don’t make a big deal of it or ask why they use certain pronouns.
- Correct yourself if you make a mistake and move on without over-apologizing.
As social workers we have respect for human rights, a responsibility to challenge oppression, and commitment to promote social justice.Ultimately, talking about gender encompasses issues of identity, power, respect, and social change.
Doing something new or using different language can feel a bit uncomfortable at first but consider and reflect on how uncomfortable it would feel if you were misgendered every single day. The more we talk openly about gender and pronouns, the more natural the conversation will become and the safer and more included some of the most marginalised people in our communities will feel.